Hi, my name is Elizabeth. I am a career information specialist who loves to curate and repackage useful knowledge. I am also an empath in nature which makes me sensitive to other people’s suffering.
My own challenges and those of others prompted me to begin a journey of deep research in an attempt to provide answers to myself and others. In many instances, I sought answers from family, pastors, and friends. While some of the advice was useful, some counsel left me hurting more. I therefore committed time to scan through the many resources that are freely available online and in books.
I use a basic criteria to collect the teachings: Is the teaching based on biblical teaching and is it gospel centered?
As I started curating resources, I realized there is a lot wrong teachings about how Christians should face such challenges as abuse in marriage, mental issues, raising children, other varied challenges.
While these teachings are primarily for those with an understanding of the Christian faith, most content is useful to all who could be going through hardship, for suffering, pain and discomfort is not a respector of person.
These teachings have helped me a great deal and would; like to share them with you.
I acknowledge that apart from my blog posts, this site contains intellectual content owned by others. The copyright belongs to the original creators or the works and repackaging and distribution is covered by the creative commons commons license.
I am pleased to share with you my book: “Unshattered Dreams: My Story of God’s Faithfulness.” The book is a short read of the Lord’s goodness in my life. The e-book is now available on Amazon kindle on a limited free promo.
It was a calm Friday evening in Nairobi. I had met with my best friends, all middle-aged ladies in a downtown hotel for dinner.
We had a history together, one of long-suffering, and steadfastness in the Lord. We also shared a common story of God’s faithfulness in our lives.
We had not seen each other for a while and therefore had much to discuss. We talked about good and bad times in our middle-age lives; jobs, bringing up teenagers, relationships, aging parents other niceties and non issues.
These are the ladies that I could call any time whenever I needed to share a laugh over a cup of coffee. They are the ones who stood with me during my downtimes and with whom I had cried and laughed many times.
Like all human beings, each one was struggling with something. Jane (not her real name) was going through a messy divorce. She narrated how for a long time she felt like she was going crazy.
She said any time they had a disagreement with her husband, he would accuse her of being mean and selfish. He would rationalise her problems and completely ignore her pain and suffering. Most arguments or disagreements left her devalued, demeaned and doubting herself worthy and sanity. Jane said she ended up feeling confused and guilty and crazy. Many days she felt sick, had low energy and suffered insomnia. Her concern was that her husband was a Christian, treated other people kindly and was likable to many other people. As a result, when Jane complained to friends or relatives she looked like she was the bad one.
There was tangible silence around the table. We all felt sorry for Jane and we mumbled words of comfort.
Amid the conversation, Mercy, a trained social-psychologist commented, “Jane, your hubby sounds like a narcissist (narc).”
We changed the topic, mostly because we did not know what to say to comfort Jane but more so because we did not want her to feel like the meeting was about her struggles.
“What is a is a narcissist?” I asked Mercy who while staring straight to my eyes said… “I don’t want to spoil our evening, go find out.”
I left the dinner that evening with a heavy burden. My friend Jane was in trouble and she did not look well. Why would she go through so much pain and none of us could give any useful advice? Is it possible then that what Mercy said was true –that our friend was married to this being with this uncommon personality disorder – a narcissist?
I began to research “narcissism” and what Christian counselors had to say about it. What was surprising was that narcissism seemed to be so rampant there were enough teachings both from Christian and non-Christian counselors about the topic.
All definitions narrowed the term narcissism as a personality disorder characterized by selfishness, a sense of entitlement, grandiosity, lack of empathy, and a high need for admiration.
Further research showed that when in relationships, these personalities create a situation in which he or she becomes impossible to please, leaving the spouse in a victim status. The victim will always feel inadequate, insecure and guilty and in an effort to please the narcissist, keeps trying and becomes what psychology defines as a co-dependent. If the victim does not get help, the remain distressed and they may become clinically depressed and acquire emotional imbalances which eventually lead to physical illnesses and diseases.
As long as the narcissist partner is happy, there may be some temporal peace but once a problem arises, the narc may shut down, demean and isolate the victim until she or he has to beg. Things may work for a while then, when the victim thinks all is settled and is ready to have a score of peace, the narc shifts the goal. This lifestyle becomes a vicious pattern leaving the victim to live a life that is caged to pain and helplessness. They may eventually suffer from a condition psychologists refer to as “trauma-bonding” in which a traumatic life becomes the norm.
From my research, I have curated some resources which I hope would be useful to anyone in a relationship with a narcissist. These resources are an eye opener to victims and they offer relevant counsel on how one can face the challenges, buid core strength, faith and an awareness of what one can do in such a situation.
I have been listening to many teachers of the gospel and one of them who has sound teaching on trials and suffering is Dr. David Jeremiah.
Dr. Jeremiah was diagnosed with stage four of lymphoma cancer over twenty years ago. He went through treatment and the Lord used doctors and medicine and he recovered fully.
As a result of his experience, Dr. Jeremiah wrote a book: When Your World Falls Apart and shared a series of teachings on what he learned from his experience. He provides a clear analogy that helps us understand suffering, which he refers to as “ bends on our road” that God uses to prune and edify us.
He reiterates that suffering is not always from the devil, but the Lord allows it for his good purposes.
When I reflect on my own trials, I can say that as much as they have been painful and sometimes very disheartening, I am comforted to know that God understands pain. He allowed His own son to suffer for my sake. He could have chosen any other means to save mankind or simply destroyed it after Adam’s disobedience, but He did not.
Instead, God used the ultimate of all pains: the death of His begotten son, Jesus Christ, even death unto the cross.
Like all human beings living in this fallen word, I have know pain and loss. My little baby girl died just three days after birth. I was in a hospital that did not have a backup generator and when the electrical power went off, several premature babies including my little beautiful baby died that night. The image of her fully formed tiny body, laying in a cold incubator remains fresh in my memory.
I have also lost two of my closest family members, my dad and my elder brother. Death is for sure the ultimate of all despair and loss.
Depite the pain and loss, I cannot comprehend the love and comfort I have recieved from my Father in heaven. He who is the author of my life allowed His own son to die on the cross for me. I don’t get it all but one thing I know, a good God also allows and understands suffering and pain and through Christ, we have life eternal.
I would like to share the piece, below that many preachers cite when preaching about suffering and quoting 1 Kings: 12:24 “This Thing is of Me.”
I can’t tell who the original writer was but I credit this citation from Laura A. Barter Snow’s book: The disappointments of life.
“THIS THING IS FROM ME” (1 Kings 12:24)
The disappointments of life are in reality only the decrees of love: I have a message for thee today, My child. I will whisper it softly in thine ear, in order that the storm clouds which appear may be gilt with glory, and that the thorns on which thou mayest have to walk be blunted. The message is but short—a tiny sentence—but allow it to sink into the depths of thine heart, and be to thee as a cushion on which to rest thy weary head: “This thing is from Me.”
Hast thou never thought that all which concerns thee,
concerns Me also? He that toucheth thee toucheth the apple of Mine eye (Zech.
2:8). Thou hast been precious in Mine eyes, that is why I take a special
interest in thine upbringing. When temptation assails thee, and the “enemy
comes in like a flood” I would wish thee to know that “This thing is
from Me.” I am the God of circumstances. Thou hast not been placed where
thou art by chance, but because it is the place I have chosen for thee. Didst
thou not ask to become humble? Behold, I have placed thee in the very place
where this lesson is to be learned. It is by thy surroundings and thy
companions that the workings of My will is to come about.
Hast thou money difficulties? It is hard to keep
within thine income? “This thing is from Me.” For I am He that
possesseth all things. I wish thee to draw everything from Me, and that thou
depend entirely upon Me. My riches are illimitable (Phil. 4:19). Put My promise
to the proof, so that it may not be said of thee, “Yet in this thing, ye
did not believe the Lord thy God.”
Art thou passing through a night of affliction?
“This thing is from Me.” I am the Man of sorrows and acquainted with
grief (Isa. 53:3). I have left thee without human support that in turning to Me
thou mightest obtain eternal consolation (2 Thess. 2:16, 17).
Has some friend disappointed thee? One to whom thou
hadst opened thine heart? “This thing is from Me.” I have allowed
this disappointment that thou mightest learn that the best Friend is Jesus. He
preserves us from falling, fights for us in our combats; yea, the best Friend
is Jesus. I long to be thy confidant.
Has someone said false things of thee? Leave that, and come closer to Me, under My wings, away from the place of wordy dispute, for I will bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday (Psa. 37:6).
Have thy plans been all upset? Art thou crushed and weary? “This thing is from Me.” Hast thou made plans and then coming, asked Me to bless them? I wish to make thy plans for thee. I will take the responsibility, for it is too heavy for thee; thou couldst not perform it alone (Ex. 18:18). Thou art but an instrument and not an agent.
Hast thou desired fervently to do some great work for
Me? Instead of that thou has been laid on one side, on a bed of sickness and
suffering. “This thing is from Me.” I was unable to attract thine
attention whilst thou wast so active. I wish to teach thee some of My deep
lessons. It is only those who have learned to wait patiently who can serve Me.
My greatest workers are sometimes those who are laid aside from active service
in order that they may learn to wield the weapon of prayer.
Art thou suddenly called to occupy a difficult position full of responsibilities? Go forward, counting on Me. I am giving thee the position full of difficulties for the reason that Jehovah thy God will bless thee in all thy works, and in all the business of thy hands (Deut. 15:18). This day I place in thy hand a pot of holy oil. Draw from it freely, My child, that all the circumstances arising along the pathway, each word that gives thee pain, each interruption trying to thy patience, each manifestation of thy feebleness, may be anointed with this oil.
Remember that interruptions are divine instructions. The sting will go in the measure in which thou seest Me in all things. Therefore set your heart unto all the works that I testify among you this day. For it is your life (Deut. 32:46-47).
There is no way I could have been cleansed. No one could have paid my debt of sin. As I ran my hell-bound race, indifferent to the cost, you looked upon my helpless state and led me to the cross… now all I know is grace. (All I have is Christ by Jordan Kauflin ).
My testimony is not an attempt to condemn any religion. My story is to share what I believe and why. Prior to receiving Christ as a personal savior, I was a religious person. I had been taught that my doctrine was the only true one. I thought everyone was going to hell except those of my church. Then, I failed the religion, myself and more importantly God.
I was 20 years old when I conceived my firstborn child Jessy out of wedlock. As a result, I automatically became an outcast in the church I had grown in and served. I could not join in Holy Communion, could not sing in the choir or have my child baptized.
According to the doctrine and the teachings I had received, if Christ was to return then, my son and I would go straight to hell. This was scary! I felt hopeless and lost. I needed something, anything that could cleanse me of my sin and get me back to the religion that I had known all my life.
So I would attend mass, sit in the pews follow through the recitations, then go back home, feeling hopeless and condemned. Eventually, I stopped attending church altogether.
I was working as a registry clerk with a broadcasting station when I got a government scholarship to join college. While there, I met young ladies my age. They seemed happy and content. During their lunch-hour break, they would either be going to a prayer meeting, to a bible study or fellowship.
Among these young ladies, there was one who was much older than the others. Her name was Peninah and we had something in common. She had gone through the same challenge of falling pregnant before holy matrimony. However, her case was different. Her church accepted her back, she later got married in church and after that she co ntinued with serving in church as a born-again Christian. When I shared my story therefore, she resonated with what I was going through. She committed to inviting me to the Christian fellowship meetings. Sometimes I would go, sometimes I would not. She remained patient and kept inviting me and did not judge or reject me.
It was one Wednesday afternoon. Peninah and the other girls had left for a lunch-hour fellowship. I pulled out a novel from my bag and began to read. A few minuted later, my deskmate, a man who did not care about God walked in to the class. Muiru was a fun easy going person and in one of his loud jokes said: “Elizabeth, you must be one crazy girl. How dare you sit here when all your friends have gone to church? Get out and go join them.” This may sound weird but I left and I heard him chuckle behind me. I think I just left because he simply annoyed me but later, I understood that the Lord was using him to push me out of the class and the novel reading to Gods calling of salvation.
I joined the fellowship half an hour late, walked through the back door and sat at the back of the room. The speaker stood in front of a full packed classroom. Everyone was attentive. In front of me were young men and women, who sat attentively listening to the word of God. They then arose and raised their hands and voices in worship and prayer.
I do not remember anything about the message of the day but what I remember is that at that moment, I knew I was different from the rest of these young people. They looked happy and seemed to have so much hope and confidence. I was convicted of my sin and I knew needed forgiveness.
After the closing prayer, all the students left quicky to be on time for the afternoon lessons. The speaker remained behind to pack his items. I dashed to the front to catch him before leaving. He quickly introduced himself as John Wesley Nguo and asked me what I wanted to which I responded: “I want to get saved.”
John dashed out and called a few of the students that had not left. I could hear his voice, almost panting with excitement: “Hey ! some of you come back! we have a new soul!”
I was led to say a prayer of repentance. Many years later, I can say this was not my effort, the Lord was pursuing me while I ran my hell-bound race as the bible clearly states: “No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him…” (John 6:44-45).
That Wednesday afternoon, Christ embraced and healed me of sin, rejection and shame. He taught me that there is nothing I could do to earn His love except to accept His saving grace. He gave me peace a new name, the forgiven, the accepted of Christ. No one could have paid my debt of sin. Not religion, not good works, but Jesus with His Precious Blood.
The bible in the book of Isaiah 1:18 says: “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool.” Right there, a burden rolled and my sins were forgiven – For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God. (Ephesians 2:8).
My soul became alive that day. I had a friend and a father His name is Jesus. He has never left me, He has never forsaken me. He has remained closer to me than a brother.
I can only share what I know and who He is. He is real. He is true. He is alive. “He made [me] alive, who was dead in trespasses and sins. (Ephesians 2:1).